Embracing Imperfections and Finding Peace
Mornings at our place can be wild, with five kids of all ages, from high school to toddlerhood. There are so many different needs to juggle. On a good day, my hubby and I get up early, read our Bibles, make some fresh juice with cucumbers, carrots, apples, spinach, and bananas, and set out the smoothies and vitamins for the kids. We even start preparing lunches before the little ones wake up. These are the mornings I really enjoy because I feel ready for the day.
But let's be honest, these organized mornings don't happen as often as I'd like. They are becoming more common now that our youngest is growing up and sleeping better. However, the past year and a half has been tough. Our little one didn't get the memo that being baby number five should be easy. She missed the memo entirely and decided to make things challenging. A big part of it isn't even her fault – she's been dealing with some issues related to her nervous system, which can make for a fussy baby. So, a lot of our time over the last year and a half has been spent taking turns soothing her at night. After a sleepless night, our days with the other kids are crazy busy. There's no time to rest. Plus, I was running a busy Etsy shop, which was crucial for our income. I always had to be on top of fulfilling customer orders. Every spare moment was put to work.
But things are getting better, slowly but surely. Our little one is finally sleeping through the night, from 7 pm to 7 am. Hallelujah, it's a relief, and I'll never take it for granted again. But then, there are nights like last night. She went back to her old habits, as she sometimes does. She woke up several times, and I was instantly reminded of how tough life has been. So, with little sleep last night and a hectic morning getting the kids ready for school, I totally forgot it was my middle daughter's picture day. I only remembered when I drove by the school after dropping my daughter at preschool and saw photographers outside. Ugh! I can't even remember what my daughter was wearing, but at least I managed to curl her hair this morning. I'm pretty sure she just threw on an old sweatshirt and leggings. She's in fifth grade, and this is her yearbook photo.
I know it's not the end of the world, but my first thoughts were pretty mean. I can be really hard on myself. The way I talk to myself is harsher than how I'd talk to an enemy. "How in the world did you forget it's picture day?" I scold myself. "You're a total failure." "Get it together." "Everyone probably thinks you can't handle five kids, and this is just proof." Ouch. These thoughts keep going until I start to pray. And as I pray, I hear the Lord gently telling me to be kind to myself. To take it easy. To remember that I'm doing the best I can. My kids are loved and cared for, and I am loved. Her hair is nicely curled, and nobody will care about her shirt. Society may place too much importance on appearances, but the Lord looks at the heart. I really care about my kids' character. It's always been my main focus. I'm not saying this to brag but to remind myself and anyone else who can relate that even though society might not value it as much, it's what truly matters. As mothers, we need to focus on the kind of people our kids are becoming on the inside. You may not see it at first glance, but the heart is what counts.
So, I'm letting go. Today, I choose to listen to the Lord and how He sees me and my daughter. We have a choice. Those other voices might be loud, but they're wrong. Keep drawing close to the Lord, and He'll show you the truth. There's so much peace and freedom to be found there.
