The Miracle You’ve Been Praying for Lies Within

I have been praying for a number of years for rescue. My husband and I have struggled financially for as long as I can remember. In some cases, the financial struggle was self-inflicted like buying a new car early in our marriage. In other ways, the struggle was completely out of our control. A condo bought at the height of the market before it crashed in 2008, coinciding with the birth of our daughter and my husband not being paid for six months by his employer (yes, IRS got involved, it was a mess). Regardless of the who or what to blame, it’s been a struggle since I can remember.

For years, I would get down on my knees begging for a miracle. If the Lord could just ease this burden, I could breathe. I could stop working until 1am on my Etsy shop every night with five kids (one of which is a baby who used to wake multiple times a night). And while miracles have come, and we have seen the Lord provide over and over, never leaving us destitute, the strain is still there.

I'd drive around the neighborhood bawling my eyes out, asking God for a "Boaz" to come our way. Not a literal Boaz, I love my husband, but like in the Bible where Boaz helped out Ruth, I wanted someone to show us favor. "Lord, just point me to a field, and I'll happily take whatever's left. Just the leftovers, please." That was my sincere plea.

It is only recently that the Lord has been gently speaking to me and showing me over and over again that I already have a field and it is abundant. I don’t need to glean in another field. All that I need already lies within me. I have the Holy Spirit inside of me, what more do I need? 

I cannot tell you the peace that floods my soul when I surrender to this thought. That’s how you know it’s the Lord. You will be filled with a peace that surpasses understanding.

And you know what doesn’t make sense? He has asked me to lay down my Etsy shop and trust Him. My husband and I rely mightily on my Etsy shop for income but it was slowly killing me. I ignored the Lord’s promptings to close it for a long time because how would we pay our bills? It’s funny because above my sewing machine I wrote last year, “when you lay down what’s in your hand, God will give you what’s in His” and that is just what I am finally doing one year later.

So I don’t exactly know where this is going, or what it means for our family, but I trust the Lord. If you are reading this, chances are that the Lord sent you here for a reason (because how on earth would you otherwise find this random post by a random girl who just started a blog). Is there something that the Lord is asking you to lay down? If so, trust Him. He lives inside of you. The miracle you need already lies within.