Learning to Let Go
Today was supposed to be a productive day. It's Tuesday, and with the children at school and my four-year-old attending a little school program before heading to grandma's, it's just my ten-month-old and me at home. The house is quiet, and in theory, I should be able to accomplish a lot. I have a backlog of Etsy orders that I hope to tackle today, so I don't have to stay up late like usual. Those late nights can be exhausting. I'm not a fan of working at night, but sometimes it's the only option.
However, as our little baby girl grows, I find it increasingly challenging to find moments during the day to work. She's incredibly active and curious, always exploring and getting into everything. Her fascination with wires and plugs keeps me on my toes, and she loves putting just about anything in her mouth. I've tried keeping her in a high chair, distracted with food, but that only works for a few minutes. Confining her to a limited space buys me a bit more time, but it's still a struggle. Working during her brief twenty-minute nap periods helps, but it's not enough to keep up with the workload. You'd think that with five children, I'd have this all figured out by now.
However, our little girl has unique medical needs that many people may not understand. She's unlike my other babies who slept through the night and learned to self-soothe. Our little one isn't capable of that, and it's taking a toll on me. She wakes up six to seven times a night and won't sleep for more than twenty minutes in her crib, despite all our efforts to make it longer. The tricks that worked with my other kids don't seem to apply to her. She requires more care and attention, and it's not her fault.
As it becomes increasingly difficult to focus on my Etsy shop, I sense that the Lord may be closing this chapter and opening a new one. I'm not exactly sure what that entails, but I'll do my best to follow His lead. What I do know is that this little baby, who has disrupted our lives in both challenging and beautiful ways, is a blessing from Him. She is part of His perfect plan, and I have no doubt about that. So, I'm learning to let go, to avoid frustration when things don't go as planned, and to make space for margin and hearing from the Lord. I'm rediscovering trust, even if I can't push full-speed ahead with my Etsy shop right now. I believe that He will provide in some way, even though I can't see how or when. I keep feeling and trusting that He will make a way, leading us down His Red Sea road. I'm learning to rely on Him completely, day after day. He still provides the manna, and for that, I'm grateful. Surrender brings a peculiar peace, and there's comfort in trusting a good God whose ways surpass my understanding.
